Wednesday, December 22, 2010

My Honest Prayers [a thought]

In just thinking of what this note could come to look like, with whatever reasons behind its composition, I can't help but concede that almost every prayer I have for self has a sting of selfishness. Nonetheless, God knows my everything, and I thought just to write out the hope I have for what may come of my life. Not an entire exhaustive hope, for hope alone would take a library of text to come to some sort of complete understanding, and I only wish to share and be bare at the moment. This I ask of God.

1. To be a Man. As David, a man after God's own heart. This I know is a process God completes daily, for as each day is new so must I grow and learn. It will not be over until His purpose for me here ends.

2. To be a Missionary. That I would be sent oh God is the burning of my heart. If worship is the point of missions, that we go so that HE may be worshiped where HE is not, then that is where I must be. I pray that would be the absolute all of me. Send me, I will go. I will give if I am called to stay, but Lord may I never ever disobey. The world is after all a mission field.

3. To be a Preacher. That I would speak with the boldness of all those who came before me. With such a great cloud of witnesses, not there to impress but to learn from. That I would be used as the mouth piece of the Most High.

4. To be a Teacher. To be able to bring to others the knowledge of Christ in a real, understandable, and applicable way. That people would JUST GET IT, and that I could have that ability.

5. To be a Leader. To be able to lead with all wisdom and in great humility. To be not afraid, strong and courageous, the leader the people need me to be.

6. To be a Witness. That my life in EVERY regard would reflect the Glory of God's redemption of men. That my life would tell His story, sharing in the afflictions.

7. To be an Evangelist. That my every conversation would be an attempt at conversion. That I would be a soul seeker. That I would be burdened for people and that I would be willing most of all to spread the Word.

8. To be a Student. To be diligent in my seeking after the Lord. To read my Bible with purpose. To study from every effective avenue so as to strengthen my faith inside out and to know Him more.

9. To be a Servant. To be able to do the lowliest of jobs and seek no applause. To be WILLING to let go of all status and luxury, and when I am in riches, to be reminded that everything belongs to God. To live and to give.

10. To be a Husband. To be one who loves as Christ loves the church. To be the man worthy of a woman, not merely a man seeking after a mate. To be real, and really love one for as long as we both shall breathe.

11. To be a Father. That the man I am so desperate to become could be put into another, and to smother my child with direction and care. To responsibly lead a life in a manner deserving of the gift that a child is...and to simply lavish my love upon them.

12. And to be a Child in Awe of God. To be in the world but not of it. To experience the wonders of this mighty creation and yet long for more. To be able to sit and simply listen, watch, and talk with my Father in Heaven. To be completely Yours.

All these things can be realized, and have in some way or another. I don't need to be overseas to be a missionary. I don't need to be in school to study. God can even work in such a way that I would be a father of sorts without the act of intercourse. But for me to be a husband without a woman to court, now that would be no less than a miracle ;)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Of Sinners I'm The Worst, A Preacher

It is rare for me to actually come to a point where faith becomes mind boggling. A point where what I believe has been put into practice and brought to reality in a manner that just scares me out of my wits thinking of it. I find that truth like this has shattered my entire nominal christian life. I have been a christian most of my new-born life, but it is only when I've been a Christian that I feel at peace and filled with joy.

God uses the weak to teach the strong. The fool for Christ has beautiful feet, and breathes life into the lives of others. I get to be a part of that...and its both great joy as well as unyielding torment. I can tell now that with this positional call of an organization, that my calling came out of a higher authority, and this is a cause for trembling. I am a sinner Christ has made a saint. I am no seeker of God, but God sought me out and found me in the dark of night. Now this God asks me to spread light.

I know only this at this moment, and this is what I shall preach. Any good people see in me is because God is good and I live to show Him alive. Any act or word has an agenda behind it and a beneficiary to it. Who benefits? Only me, for I have the pleasure of taking part in showing God to another. I bring nothing new to Him, for everything belongs to the Lord. I gain in salvation then moreso in multiplication; as joy is passed down from parent to child, my joy is found in the fruit produced in those lives I have an impact on.

The pain is increased however, when I see how few I truly touch, but the point is to not count the crowds but to go on every moment anew always purposed in bringing people Christ as plain as can be. This is why I am perplexed, knowing who I am. Could God really use me? Well I once heard a preacher say, "God once spoke through an ass and it seems like He's been doing the same ever since."

Monday, October 25, 2010

In The Midst of Theology

There are several ways to read scripture, there are several ways to understand what God says in His Word, but what comes to the surface in the end is that which has reached the heart. At the moment my understanding is limited and frail. I wish there was time to study endlessly for some perfect understanding that would convince all of the Truth. It has been a burden in my new-born life for the longest time now. Trying to find the answer that would break all barriers, but at this point I believe that is a Biblical impossibility, because not all will be saved.

Recently I heard a sermon by K.P. Yohanan that was striking. I can often have such a clear understanding of what was stated by K.P. yet still go about as if the academic result of my studies is the point of studying. Proverbs 4:7 says, "Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." [NIV] This is a call to seeking, but the end result is never a purely academic understanding. So what was K.P.'s message? Well in part, it was that a man can become the greatest theologian with a complete grasp of the Bible in every possible area of study, yet still find his eternal destination is in the infinite inferno. God does call us to give him our intelligence, and theologians are called to study and present their findings, but the point is not for me to know and understand but rather to live and to show.

The perfect example of this is Him whom we derive our example from, Christ Jesus our Lord. Or don't we know that the weak and simple will carry along the strongest and smartest of us. Christ was not a scholar. In fact there wasn't much to Him that people had to envy or admire. The thing that set Him apart was the life He lived. If anybody had a knowledge or understanding of what the Scriptures meant, it was the one whom the Scriptures speak of. Yet it was not an abundance of biblical exposition which made its way into the New Testament, but rather the life and aftermath of Jesus. The understanding gained by wisdom is actualized in a life sacrificed as holy and pleasing to God; a life that resembles its master. When we relive Christ in the lives of people, we fulfill that which was lacking, and that is not to say that Christ wasn't enough, but that Jesus sends us out to point people back to HIM, just as scripture points towards HIM.

My purpose for all of this is a paradox in my own theology. I am a firm believer in this more than any formal theological point of view [Christian views of course] and that is that God gets ALL the Glory simply because He is worth ALL there is and even more. So I sit in contemplation from time to time, living in a state of waiting, knowing that God provides and that I need not worry about this life because my reward is not here but with HIM in the life to come, but I am nonetheless pushed to live out faith in the choices I make. I feel at the moment that, through examination, every choice I've ever made toward God was a leap of faith, and that each choice was God's moving within me all along. It would seem that Iwas reaching for Him but in reflection it would seem that He has carried me through the whole time.

I guess the question is whether I go out in confidence that my decisions are going to be honoured by God, or do I sit in wait for external affirmations of what His Will for my life truly is? My dillema? I just do not want to go after my will, but to strive towards Him in His plan. In the end, how can His will be escaped if every moment has actually come to pass? He has purposed it all for Himself, and I won't know what it all means until I get that chance to sit at His feet and learn, and that sounds much more rewarding than the endless arguments I instigate. Defense of the Faith is needed, but bickering we can do without, and that I have yet to learn completely.

In the mean time I must love without limitation. I must give everything in hopes that even some may see that He is worth it all.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Test of Death

Psalm 23: The LORD is my shephard, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green patures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

The test of death is first to the dying and second to those left behind. To the one who passes, trust must be given, hope remained, and love endured through the pain of the last days. The realization of the certainty of this life's end hits hard and fast, despite the knowing all along that the grave would come some day. The trust must remain, because the Lord has been good to us throughout our entire lives. From common grace to Amazing Grace, the Lord has always done for us more than we could ever deserve. The passing may be painful, but the final destination will be the place of promise, where weeping has ceased and all that was hidden will be revealed. In the place of promise, we will see Him as He truly is, and we will be set in Glory with Him who is of INFINITE WORTH. To be with God forever more. The test is unavoidable, and the only way to pass is to trust and rely on Christ and His work on the Cross now through to the meeting in the place of promise. Peace, is truly upon those people, but without Him we will fail the test of death...and passing through death alone will be worth all the fear we are instilled with here and now because we will meet the Judge and will have nothing with which stand in defense. We will be ruined upon death without Christ, for Jesus IS the LIFE. Apart from Him, is death and death eternal.

For the second party, we are left to trust Jesus to leave our hope in Him and His work on the Cross. What is more is merely that we must now do so without the person who has passed. Great sadness is to be found in our loss, but even more JOY to know that the person who has passed has passed on to the place of promise...the promised land. We have one less peg to stand on, He has one more soul restored. To be sad upon death is not selfish because we are at a loss, but God is still to be praised for the one who has passed has indeed been bought...but if not, then the tears deserve to be neverending. If the passer has not be paid for then our joy SHOULD be stricken, because this loved one is no longer going to be comforted by Grace. May it never be so, that we let even one pass and go without the knowledge of Christ on the Cross, that they may be able to hear and have seed sown.

The test of death will come. Pass or fail is not dependant on us. Jesus died for His people, and we trust because He has called us. His Love alone will bring us through. The test of death will come. It may cause us to flee from relationships so as to never have to encounter such a great test but let not the hallow life take us, let us trust through it all. God is love.

Friday, July 2, 2010

FHL - What is a compassionless Christianity?

What is a compassionless Christianity?

What does one do when heartburn is replaced by cold truth? Can the two be reconciled? The cold Truth of God's intimate Love should burn an everlasting ember but a slow burn is as much a painful existence as a passionless romance. I've been burning slow, dipping my feet in murky waters. Does anybody wish to burn anymore? To live a rough and rocky mystery in Christ to the end of this life? Does anybody want to burn with compassion?

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss
for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to
the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have
lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in
him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that
which comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the
righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings,
becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection
from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been
made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took
hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But
one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is
ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me
heavenward in Christ Jesus. [ PHILIPPIANS 3:3-14 ]

Monday, June 14, 2010

Rorschach's Journal: October 16

Thought about Molech's story.
Could all be lies.
A revenge scheme planned during his years behind bars.
But if its true, what could have possibly scared the Comedian enough to cry in front of Molech?
What was it he saw?
And that list he mentioned.

Edward Blake.
The Comedian.
Born 1918.
Buried in the rain.
Is that what happens to us?
No time for friends.
Only our enemies leave roses.
Violent lives ending violently.

Blake understood.
Humans are savage in nature.
No matter how much you try to dress it up, to disguise it.
Blake saw societies true face.
Chose to be a parody of it.
A joke.

I heard a joke once.
Man goes to doctor.
Says he's depressed.
Life seems harsh, and cruel.
Says he feels all alone in threatening world.
Doctor says "Treatment is simple.The great clown Pagliacci is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears.
"But doctor," he says, "I am Pagliacci."

Good joke.
Everybody laugh.
Roll on snare drum.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Bit of Thought

So I recently watched a dvd on "The Secret" which tells us that we can change the world by simply thinking. Thoughts themselves in this case have become the agents for change, not deciphering. So basically think good and good will come. This is a blatant and ludicrous lie which is deceptive because random occurrences can trick us into believing we have brought something into being by our own power.

This is our essential problem, that we wish to have control; we want the power in our own hands. This is the truth of the matter, we are given absolutely everything by Grace. From initial conception, we have had no control over the matters of our lives. This is where I find solace, in my total dependence on God.

More odd information, I've been reading a Christian book for women called, "Captivating" and even though I find it awkward reading words like, "your feminine soul" to myself, I find many encouraging nuggets while reading. One, which seemed very sissy-like, was the author accrediting a visit by a family of starfish to God's love for her. She had thought about God showing her some special revelation of her love and one was shown to her. In return, she could only thank God for the experience. Today I had a similar experience. I had thoughts of some of my favorite people and unexpectedly they drove by. I thought about it, and decided that it wasn't my thoughts bringing this together, but it had to be God. At the time I was feeling low, and as soon as I saw them I was lifted up. I too could only respond by thanking God for what he had provided for me.

In the end I guess I just find it a far more viable view of life to accept that I really cannot bring anything to me, but I can enjoy all the good God chooses to bless me with. Also, lets really stop to think about what we believe, because sometimes they are just not real...or, unfortunately, our beliefs may be founded in lies.

[Interesting side note, as I finish this note I find "John Carpenter's They Live" starts playing on tv. Watch the movie and you might find this creepy as well]
Peace 2 the out and God with the Bless!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Would You Recommend Abortion? by Adam Edelstein

1. There's a preacher and wife who are very, very, poor. They already have 14 kids. Now she finds out she's pregnant with her 15th. They're living in tremendous poverty. Considering their poverty and the excessive world population, would you consider recommending abortion?

2. The father is sick with sniffles, the mother has TB. They have 4 children. The 1st is blind, the 2nd is dead, the 3rd is deaf and the 4th has TB. She finds she's pregnant again. Given the extreme situation, would you consider recommending abortion?

3. A white man raped a 13 year old black girl and she got pregnant. If you were her parents, would you consider recommending abortion?

4. A teenage girl is pregnant. She's not married Her fiancee is not the father of the baby, and he's very upset. Would you consider recommending abortion?


If you have answered "yes" in any of these situations:

In the first case, you have just killed John Wesley. One of the great evangelists of the 19th century.

In the second case, you have just killed Beethoven.

In the third case, you have killed Ethel Waters, the great Black gospel singer.

If you said yes to the fourth case, you have just declared The murder of Jesus.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Sweet Jesus

Realizing I am Broken as well been made whole
Restoration by Spirit the truth sure to unfold
Redemption in Love complete great and mighty I'm told
Jesus sweet Jesus, Lover of my Soul

No words can express and there is no song to convey
We continue to fall short with ev'ry note we play
By symphonies or orchestra but what can they say?
Jesus sweet Jesus, You are the Way

Rock solid rock very foundation firm beneath me
The life giving tree of whose very air that I breath
Purest of clean waters shall never leave me thirsty
Jesus sweet Jesus, You're all that I see

Poverty poor people turn to their knees and pray
Forgive me not forgotten see them as always they
For the sins of the world was the price you chose to pay
Send me sweet Jesus, I will go today

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Old Poem

Hymn Attempt

When I Come 2 You I Am Free

When All Was Not You Let There Be

So I Pray That You Always Keep

And Forgive Those Who Make You Weep

None Have Seen Yet Many Have Heard

Your Voice It Speaks Throughout Your Word

You Are 1st Not 2nd or 3rd

Your Love Lifts Us Like Eagle Birds

Thoughts Of Pain Flood My New Born Brain

Past Memories Ask Am I Sane?

Temptation Says, Go 4 The Fame

But I Remember Why You Came

A New Covenanent, A New Tie

Those Who Dont Know You Say You Lie

No More Do I Ponder Who? Why?

Jesus You Came, I Live, You Died

Thursday, May 20, 2010

FHL Dead?

Give me Jesus or give me death? They are not to be separately attained. Give me Jesus and I'll take death, because if I have Jesus I can handle death. For some this is not a long process, but for many we must die daily until the day we die.

17Then the high priest and all his associates, who were members of the party of the Sadducees, were filled with jealousy. 18They arrested the apostles and put them in the public jail. 19But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the doors of the jail and brought them out. 20"Go, stand in the temple courts," he said, "and tell the people the full message of this new life."

21At daybreak they entered the temple courts, as they had been told, and began to teach the people.

When the high priest and his associates arrived, they called together the Sanhedrin—the full assembly of the elders of Israel—and sent to the jail for the apostles. 22But on arriving at the jail, the officers did not find them there. So they went back and reported, 23"We found the jail securely locked, with the guards standing at the doors; but when we opened them, we found no one inside." 24On hearing this report, the captain of the temple guard and the chief priests were puzzled, wondering what would come of this.

25Then someone came and said, "Look! The men you put in jail are standing in the temple courts teaching the people." 26At that, the captain went with his officers and brought the apostles. They did not use force, because they feared that the people would stone them.

27Having brought the apostles, they made them appear before the Sanhedrin to be questioned by the high priest. 28"We gave you strict orders not to teach in this name," he said. "Yet you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and are determined to make us guilty of this man's blood."

29Peter and the other apostles replied: "We must obey God rather than men! 30The God of our fathers raised Jesus from the dead—whom you had killed by hanging him on a tree. 31God exalted him to his own right hand as Prince and Savior that he might give repentance and forgiveness of sins to Israel. 32We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey him."

33When they heard this, they were furious and wanted to put them to death. 34But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. 35Then he addressed them: "Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. 36Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. 37After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. 38Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. 39But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God."

40His speech persuaded them. They called the apostles in and had them flogged. Then they ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go.

41The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. 42Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ.

[Acts 5:17-42]

10After we had been there a number of days, a prophet named Agabus came down from Judea. 11Coming over to us, he took Paul's belt, tied his own hands and feet with it and said, "The Holy Spirit says, 'In this way the Jews of Jerusalem will bind the owner of this belt and will hand him over to the Gentiles.' "

12When we heard this, we and the people there pleaded with Paul not to go up to Jerusalem. 13Then Paul answered, "Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus." 14When he would not be dissuaded, we gave up and said, "The Lord's will be done."

[Acts 21:10-14]

23Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?
[Luke 9:23]

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Staring Eyes [a poem in a glare]

Look into the face of those deeply contemplating. The glare they bare, what could it mean? Eyes clothed in focus hide a story of pain, wonder, adoration, admiration, and countless other stories. What is yours?


Staring eyes as in a deep starry night
Sleepless nights accompany dreaming days
From heaven to dirt that we may see light
What was and what is and what can be saved

Intense and undisturbed
The mind moving faster than words
First to last, let Love serve
Nothing but to ponder self worth

Can it be? Where did it go?
Light shining dim
A trap in time and in space
Yet sloth is sin

With once upon a time
Found left looking around for signs
Am I His? Is He mine?
Eye's stiff focus shooting straight lines

Then there is beauty no man can define
Staring eyes become expression contained
Awaken from slumber still spinning mind
Love is and Love was and Love will again

John 14:1-4
1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going."

Imagine how the disciples felt after Christ died.
Could we have hoped in a dead Jesus?
Fortunately for us, and them, we don't have to.

John 20:19-20

19On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" 20After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Hope - less?

So theres just a few things I want to get across. This may be very short.

1] Somebody told me that they would just like to know enough about Christ to be saved but not get into a deep relationship.

2] Somebody knew all I was trying to say to them, on one level at least. The only response he gave me, after supporting my attempt, was that each man chooses his way and Christ just wasn't for him.

3] Another felt offended when I questioned his heart, "but thats what Jesus is after, and if I ask to see your heart it is Christ that should reflect."

No souls were won, some contacts were made, but hey tomorrow is a new day. The motto of evangelism rings true and clear even when I'm being sincere, and that is that my job is merely to present to people truth, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit is the ONLY one involved in breathing life onto a lost person's soul.

This is why I could walk home with joy that moved tears to my eyes: It is always better to do the will of God. Their is no shame in GOing, even if we fail when we try, because really we don't fail, for it is only God who decides.

Mark 10:42-45
Jesus called them together and said, "You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 43Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 45For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Are We Out to Answer Objections?

This is a very notable passage from an online article I found while researching postmodernism.

While postmodern theology is generally atheistic in nature, we recognize that some individuals become atheists because they believe that Darwin solved the question of life's ultimate origins. Others become atheists because they look upon God's moral order as "too restrictive." Still others agree because they agree with Freud that, "God was a projection. When children have problems, they run to their father for protection. When adults have problems, the project their earthly father into the skies, and they run to this entity for comfort" Some look at all the evil in the world and decide that no loving God could allow such a situation.

This is very interesting as it displays simply reasons why people don't want God, and in most of these I can see nothing more deep seeded than the sin of pride which leads to idolatry. Pride in that in each situation man is exalted above who he/she really is. With the exception of Darwin, these situations seem to point to man simply not wanting to adhere to Biblical authority. Man comes to believe he/she has become more than what God has revealed. This is simply a lack of research and investigation, which in turn sucks the Darwinians into the same category, who at least have made an option of the situation at hand [I can at least respect their refusal for the acceptance of an alternate view even though I do not believe it true].

Here is where I become concerned. With so many people simply shrugging off God as a preferrance to not having Him around, how far do I go in convincing these people?

I truly feel it worth while, worth a life of study, to learn and develop in various fields of academia so as to be most effective not in merely teaching others, but in destroying the veil that blinds the eyes of unbelievers. If I am able to convince scientifically, philisophically, logically, emotionally, theologically, simply in every imaginable way that Christ is the Way, Truth, and Life, then I pray to be able to do so. Yet I am in full knowledge that all of this would be for not because in the end the matter of conversion or simply salvation is a spiritual matter. So am I called to go and answer these objections, or am I simply to love. How can I love without convincing intellectually? How can I be effective if I don't know and understand their reasoning? And most hopelessly, how can I afford the time and energy to put forth such studies?

In the end, I only pray that God do with me as He wills. I will do as much I can to uphold my convictions, and balance relationships along with them. Yet I will always be plagued by thoughts of 'how deep do we go?'

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." - Isaiah 9:2
"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." - Ephesians 2:1-5
Clearly God stopped at nothing to find us, so I feel I should find no limit in what I might do in order to be a more than credible witness.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Blind Side

The Charge Of The Light Brigade
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Memorializing Events in the Battle of Balaclava, October 25, 1854
Written 1854

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack & Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse & hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!


One thing that remains is the problem of pain
This was a video promo for a homeless outreach
The message that really comes out of this is that of an endless fuel tank being driven up the steepest mountain.
What is most perplexing about these ministries is that they are outlets of hope, love, and care, yet they are an endless cause.
There will always be the poor with us, and the absolute abolishing of world poverty is such a relative and seemingly hopeless task that it seems pointless to tackle such a task.
But nonetheless, that is the very strength of those who would accept the challenge.
The fight is not for this life, but for this soul. Life is more than living conditions. In fact it is short when seen through eternity's vision.
Knowing love, showing love, going love.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Another Dirty Secret

"A warning: it may prove dangerous to get involved with the Bible. You approach it with a series of questions, and as you enter it you find the questions turned back upon you. King David got swept up in a story by the prophet Nathan and leaped to his feet indignant - only to learn the barbed story concerned himself." - Philip Yancey

So I grew up a dumb wrestling fan and from time to time I catch up on what is going on in the wrestling world. Tonight, as I was multi-tasking with Yancey and Sportscentre, the wrestling show shot off a quick commercial that was a warning not to attempt the things these wrestlers are doing. So it got me thinking.

Why would you tell people not to do what you are doing? It comes down to fear. If people get injured 'play wrestling' then the big company gets in trouble. Do they really care? No, but that is not really the point. Who else does this? Cigarettes. The tobacco industry displays on their product the deadly effect of smoking and yet people are buying. What brings them back is addiction. Even after making this connection and deciding to turn off the tv, I still found myself wanting to numb myself with ignorant entertainment. Bakit ganon? There is clearly an addictive quality to these activities, BUT these big companies are not out for our best interests are they? Of course not. These people are only scared of being held liable for what happens to you as a result of their product.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. [Ephesians 6:12]

So I come across this warning for the Bible. Now the Bible can be a very heavy book but not all that deadly if you catch some palo upside the head. I found it odd for a while even after understanding that the Bible in many parts of the world can bring pain, torture, and death...but yet again the point has been eluded.

How come this theologian is marketing his book in the same fashion as tobacco and pro wrestling? Simply because it is. The thing is, as I've been learning again and again, "it" all has to be worth it. The risk hast to be worth the satisfaction that is promised to accompany "it" and that is what must be put under the microscope. These big companies are promoting danger while warning against it, all the while attempting to get us more and more hooked on their product. So let us see what makes the Bible so dangerous.

"Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."" [Luke 9:23]

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." [Romans 5:8]

A daily surrender, commitment, and struggle with Christ because He loves us enough to to that and infinitely more. Truth that exposes who we are and who God is, that is what makes the Bible dangerous. Yancey is talking of our sinful-self-discovery.

'Having seen all this you can choose to look the other way, but you can never again say 'I did not know'' - William Wilberforce

The risk of this however IS worthy. We die to ourselves only to be made alive in Christ. Losing ourselves to be made anew {Matt.10:37-39} The result now should be similar to that of the addict. If these faux-dangerous negative things cause harmful addiction, the correction of the perversion (the lie of what is really dangerous) in method and content should produce an equal yet positive result. All in all I think that my point is that reading the Bible, coupled with openness amd understanding perhaps, can and should become an addictive experience. Following those you trust who know the Lord {2Tim. 3:14 / 2Cor. 11:1} is to take part in the dangerous spectacle of Scripture.

Intake of Scripture WILL produce Jesus Freaks!

Isaiah 55:10-12
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Among other things, I must evaluate my thoughts, feelings, and opportunities right now. I may be confused with several things, pero I know that in the end God will bring me through. I do miss the Philippines. I even entered a filipino restaurant today just so I could use some tagalog, and it was just like back in the Philippines because I could barely understand what that lady was saying to me. What an emotionally draining few days. Don't know what to do, where to go, or how to go about things, but I know I need to follow God and not my heart [Jer.17:9]

I'm thinking if I could really Matthew 6:33 through a Psalm 88:18, but either which way I turn leave somebody left to burn, even me. What if I make a wrong move just on account of me. What if what I hope and believe simply isn't reality? I was reminded of my past today, and I can't help but think about how far I am from loving. God has used me to show His love to people, and I can only pray to be an adequate vessel. As for me, maybe there is no more than to let Brandon hang on the cross more left to would seem as if my pursuit is for self and not for Glory, the Glory that comes when we glorify God. If that is so, then pray that I may lay Brandon to rest on the cross and live for what is truly best.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

It Can ONLY Be Christ

Dark Knight: Interrogation Scene - theologizing in the oddest places ;)

The insight tonight comes from the villain, the Joker. Specifically I am focused on 2:00 through 2:20 in the video. The one thing which must be decided upon, that thing which is so precious to us but we may have to do without in order to do what is right.

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."
(Proverbs 14:12, 16:25)

So I'm thinking of what keeps me from giving my all for Christ. There may be some element of sin within it, and if I am to be honest it would have to do with fear. I have a fear that I may never have that which I hold on to so desperately. I have something which I keep deep in my heart. I may have yet to surrender this to God, because I fear that I may have to do without, or even worse, I fear that God may never provide this for me. Intellectually, I understand and believe I will be better and do more without. This is where my fear kicks in, because there is something I want but if God does not want that for me then I must let go of it. As Abraham holding Isaac on the alter, so must I hold that which is most dear to me and be willing to drop the blade across it's neck.

The fear is simply this, "Is life worth living without this?" I have come to conclude that until this has been let go, I will not be totally committed to Christ. This, again, is the problem. A.W. Tozer's works compiled in "The Radical Cross" are pleading with us to change our view of the cross. The cross today is a cartoon, but to Christ, it was his death bed; a shameful bed which He scorned yet still bared. The horror He faced as He dragged His cross, it may for some of us be duplicated in the crosses which we must bare ourselves.

"...let it slay you utterly."
(Tozer speaking of our cross to bare)

So why can it only be Christ? Because if it is not for Christ then it is for self or for somebody else. God wants us, ALL of us, not just what we would like to place in His hands. Not merely our sins to grant us mercy, but our HEART that we might truly Love. If we are living for anything more than we live for Christ, then we are deceiving ourselves hoping what we are willing to offer will suffice.

I cannot, however, say that all peoples should come to this conclusion. My point is simply this: That which we want the most may have to be sacrificed for the better to be made known. What we want, may not be what we need. It may actually hold us back from truly being great; from living a life worth remembering. If our motivation is to work towards that which we want, then we need to re-evaluate ourselves and fix our eyes yet again on Jesus. If He turned from God's will we would have no hope. We have to emulate this so that others may benefit from our lives, and more importantly, so that Christ may be glorified.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
(1 John 4:18)

Friday, March 26, 2010

Dirty Little Secret

What is it? I watch television online. Whats worse is the show that I enjoy watching:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Now I'm not going to discuss the hypocritical aspects of a Christian watching such an obviously demonic show, instead I'd like to share the insight I've gained from what I watched tonight...but in defense of the show, the demonic/spiritual aspect is really a comical parody. The point is found within the stories and within the characters. This however, shall be left up for debate.

The episode is actually called "Storyteller":

Stories are very important, and we can always learn from people, the important thing is what we have learned. What I observed in this episode overwhelmingly emphasized the spiritual condition of man.

Main character Andrew foolishly goes around making stories of the lives around him and all the while creating his own life story that is completely ridiculous and not at all how his life had carried out. In the last 5 minutes however, he finds himself confronted with the truth of what he has done in his life and breaks down and cries. Even in the face of his redemption, he cannot find fulfillment because he cannot erase what he has done.

This is how I've felt many times and I think reflects how many people feel. Constantly trying to balance the scales so that Good will lean in our favor, but that simply is not how the world works. When we do something wrong, we can expect to pay the penalty for it. What have we done? We've sinned against can we ever make up for wronging God? I mean, we feel enough guilt when we've hurt somebody we love, but what about when we hurt somebody who loves us?

Often we view God as that guy/girl who we know is in love with us, and we don't see it as a bad thing necessarily so we taunt and tease and give a little of ourselves to that person but we'd never really commit to them relationally because they really aren't what we are looking for. That is because we search for vanity, stature, appearance, and protection instead of security. Maybe we aren't secure in thinking that that awkward person who loves you totally will totally love us forever. Maybe we think that, "if they only knew who I really was they would definitely flee as far from me," but remember who we are talking about here, GOD!

God is not that awkward person that you would rather do without, but He does love you totally and will never cease to do so. However, if we do not choose Him, He cannot take us in and give us what Andrew was really in need of...forgiveness.

What strikes me most about finding such a story here, is the character who represents every sinner before God. Andrew. In a world full of powerful people, bold and courageous, mankind is best represented in the quivering geek, because that is who we are. We are people trying to make our own story out of what has happened in our lives and we look like fools doing it. I could theologize the rest of the show, heck I've already done that, but I am at an unease to find that I am not the hero in this life, not even a noble sidekick. I am the scrub.

It is, however, desperately important, in regards to the Gospel, for us to realize this. We are nothing in a vast and amazing world that God has written out before time began. We have no means to erase the wrongs we've done and no matter how much we try and even succeed, it will never be enough. That is why we have John 6:29. It is the work of God in and throughout our entire experience, even in our faith. God showed us that love that we don't naturally believe in, but if we do take that gift and receive all that God wishes for us, we'll see this simple, plain, boring life story we're living, transform into the hero story we've been dreaming about. For we will become children of God [John 1:12]. With God and steering the wheel of your life, could it possibly go anywhere but to glory? [John 14:12]

26Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. 27Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."

28Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?"

29Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

30So they asked him, "What miraculous sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do? 31Our forefathers ate the manna in the desert; as it is written: 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'"

32Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. 33For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."

[John Chapter 6 in context will blow your mind]

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Past Poetry for Posting's Sake [kinda bored, so here's my escape]

Gods Love 4 Us

[revised from original]

Created, we were created in His image

The first sign of His loving vision

Apart from Him we feel so lost.

The fakeness of this world prison

Darkness falls and hell is risen

Yet still He came to pay our cost.

Bound to sin for it is in our nature

He shatters barriers because He is greater

Lifting our spirits with a simple promise.

His return, weve read off paper

To judge and be the undertaker

God is righteous, He is just, and He is honest.

We deserve nothing yet receive by His grace

All we must do is believe and have faith

The Lord Almighty loves us.

We represent Him in the worlds face

And most often the world replies with hate

But in the the Lord God we trust.

He lives inside

Where our heart resides

And speaks even when we do not listen.

His voice you cannot pacify

Truth impossible to deny

Yes we are His sole mission.

He starts a work in us that He will finish

Even when were down He will replenish

We find favor in His eye.

We cant let anything diminish

The works of the Son whos sinless

Who for us gave Himself to die.

Crucified begging our forgiveness

Brutalized to be our deliverance

Saving us from our very selves.

Perfect Christs painful existence

Hurt so long yet full of persistence

In Him we find a deeper well.

A well of knowledge, a well of worth

Jesus we admonish while on this earth

Believe that He hears our praise.

He hears our cries and spurts

Even when we whine n curse

But just think, He knows our names.

He never lets you down

Walk on water, He will never let you drown

Ask God and He will provide.

A long journey

Attempting to be worthy

But the sand shows footprints at our side.

He keeps us in His mighty hand

He wrote out our lifes plan

Filled with some trials and tests.

Things seem unfair where we stand

And our own justice we demand

But God is our father, and He knows best.

Take rest in Him, and God Bless my friends.

I got some serious thinking, praying, and easing up to do.