Among other things, I must evaluate my thoughts, feelings, and opportunities right now. I may be confused with several things, pero I know that in the end God will bring me through. I do miss the Philippines. I even entered a filipino restaurant today just so I could use some tagalog, and it was just like back in the Philippines because I could barely understand what that lady was saying to me. What an emotionally draining few days. Don't know what to do, where to go, or how to go about things, but I know I need to follow God and not my heart [Jer.17:9]
I'm thinking if I could really Matthew 6:33 through a Psalm 88:18, but either which way I turn leave somebody left to burn, even me. What if I make a wrong move just on account of me. What if what I hope and believe simply isn't reality? I was reminded of my past today, and I can't help but think about how far I am from loving. God has used me to show His love to people, and I can only pray to be an adequate vessel. As for me, maybe there is no more than to let Brandon hang on the cross completely...no more left to pursue...it would seem as if my pursuit is for self and not for Glory, the Glory that comes when we glorify God. If that is so, then pray that I may lay Brandon to rest on the cross and live for what is truly best.