There are several ways to read scripture, there are several ways to understand what God says in His Word, but what comes to the surface in the end is that which has reached the heart. At the moment my understanding is limited and frail. I wish there was time to study endlessly for some perfect understanding that would convince all of the Truth. It has been a burden in my new-born life for the longest time now. Trying to find the answer that would break all barriers, but at this point I believe that is a Biblical impossibility, because not all will be saved.
Recently I heard a sermon by K.P. Yohanan that was striking. I can often have such a clear understanding of what was stated by K.P. yet still go about as if the academic result of my studies is the point of studying. Proverbs 4:7 says, "Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." [NIV] This is a call to seeking, but the end result is never a purely academic understanding. So what was K.P.'s message? Well in part, it was that a man can become the greatest theologian with a complete grasp of the Bible in every possible area of study, yet still find his eternal destination is in the infinite inferno. God does call us to give him our intelligence, and theologians are called to study and present their findings, but the point is not for me to know and understand but rather to live and to show.
The perfect example of this is Him whom we derive our example from, Christ Jesus our Lord. Or don't we know that the weak and simple will carry along the strongest and smartest of us. Christ was not a scholar. In fact there wasn't much to Him that people had to envy or admire. The thing that set Him apart was the life He lived. If anybody had a knowledge or understanding of what the Scriptures meant, it was the one whom the Scriptures speak of. Yet it was not an abundance of biblical exposition which made its way into the New Testament, but rather the life and aftermath of Jesus. The understanding gained by wisdom is actualized in a life sacrificed as holy and pleasing to God; a life that resembles its master. When we relive Christ in the lives of people, we fulfill that which was lacking, and that is not to say that Christ wasn't enough, but that Jesus sends us out to point people back to HIM, just as scripture points towards HIM.
My purpose for all of this is a paradox in my own theology. I am a firm believer in this more than any formal theological point of view [Christian views of course] and that is that God gets ALL the Glory simply because He is worth ALL there is and even more. So I sit in contemplation from time to time, living in a state of waiting, knowing that God provides and that I need not worry about this life because my reward is not here but with HIM in the life to come, but I am nonetheless pushed to live out faith in the choices I make. I feel at the moment that, through examination, every choice I've ever made toward God was a leap of faith, and that each choice was God's moving within me all along. It would seem that Iwas reaching for Him but in reflection it would seem that He has carried me through the whole time.
I guess the question is whether I go out in confidence that my decisions are going to be honoured by God, or do I sit in wait for external affirmations of what His Will for my life truly is? My dillema? I just do not want to go after my will, but to strive towards Him in His plan. In the end, how can His will be escaped if every moment has actually come to pass? He has purposed it all for Himself, and I won't know what it all means until I get that chance to sit at His feet and learn, and that sounds much more rewarding than the endless arguments I instigate. Defense of the Faith is needed, but bickering we can do without, and that I have yet to learn completely.
In the mean time I must love without limitation. I must give everything in hopes that even some may see that He is worth it all.