Wednesday, December 22, 2010

My Honest Prayers [a thought]

In just thinking of what this note could come to look like, with whatever reasons behind its composition, I can't help but concede that almost every prayer I have for self has a sting of selfishness. Nonetheless, God knows my everything, and I thought just to write out the hope I have for what may come of my life. Not an entire exhaustive hope, for hope alone would take a library of text to come to some sort of complete understanding, and I only wish to share and be bare at the moment. This I ask of God.

1. To be a Man. As David, a man after God's own heart. This I know is a process God completes daily, for as each day is new so must I grow and learn. It will not be over until His purpose for me here ends.

2. To be a Missionary. That I would be sent oh God is the burning of my heart. If worship is the point of missions, that we go so that HE may be worshiped where HE is not, then that is where I must be. I pray that would be the absolute all of me. Send me, I will go. I will give if I am called to stay, but Lord may I never ever disobey. The world is after all a mission field.

3. To be a Preacher. That I would speak with the boldness of all those who came before me. With such a great cloud of witnesses, not there to impress but to learn from. That I would be used as the mouth piece of the Most High.

4. To be a Teacher. To be able to bring to others the knowledge of Christ in a real, understandable, and applicable way. That people would JUST GET IT, and that I could have that ability.

5. To be a Leader. To be able to lead with all wisdom and in great humility. To be not afraid, strong and courageous, the leader the people need me to be.

6. To be a Witness. That my life in EVERY regard would reflect the Glory of God's redemption of men. That my life would tell His story, sharing in the afflictions.

7. To be an Evangelist. That my every conversation would be an attempt at conversion. That I would be a soul seeker. That I would be burdened for people and that I would be willing most of all to spread the Word.

8. To be a Student. To be diligent in my seeking after the Lord. To read my Bible with purpose. To study from every effective avenue so as to strengthen my faith inside out and to know Him more.

9. To be a Servant. To be able to do the lowliest of jobs and seek no applause. To be WILLING to let go of all status and luxury, and when I am in riches, to be reminded that everything belongs to God. To live and to give.

10. To be a Husband. To be one who loves as Christ loves the church. To be the man worthy of a woman, not merely a man seeking after a mate. To be real, and really love one for as long as we both shall breathe.

11. To be a Father. That the man I am so desperate to become could be put into another, and to smother my child with direction and care. To responsibly lead a life in a manner deserving of the gift that a child is...and to simply lavish my love upon them.

12. And to be a Child in Awe of God. To be in the world but not of it. To experience the wonders of this mighty creation and yet long for more. To be able to sit and simply listen, watch, and talk with my Father in Heaven. To be completely Yours.

All these things can be realized, and have in some way or another. I don't need to be overseas to be a missionary. I don't need to be in school to study. God can even work in such a way that I would be a father of sorts without the act of intercourse. But for me to be a husband without a woman to court, now that would be no less than a miracle ;)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Of Sinners I'm The Worst, A Preacher

It is rare for me to actually come to a point where faith becomes mind boggling. A point where what I believe has been put into practice and brought to reality in a manner that just scares me out of my wits thinking of it. I find that truth like this has shattered my entire nominal christian life. I have been a christian most of my new-born life, but it is only when I've been a Christian that I feel at peace and filled with joy.

God uses the weak to teach the strong. The fool for Christ has beautiful feet, and breathes life into the lives of others. I get to be a part of that...and its both great joy as well as unyielding torment. I can tell now that with this positional call of an organization, that my calling came out of a higher authority, and this is a cause for trembling. I am a sinner Christ has made a saint. I am no seeker of God, but God sought me out and found me in the dark of night. Now this God asks me to spread light.

I know only this at this moment, and this is what I shall preach. Any good people see in me is because God is good and I live to show Him alive. Any act or word has an agenda behind it and a beneficiary to it. Who benefits? Only me, for I have the pleasure of taking part in showing God to another. I bring nothing new to Him, for everything belongs to the Lord. I gain in salvation then moreso in multiplication; as joy is passed down from parent to child, my joy is found in the fruit produced in those lives I have an impact on.

The pain is increased however, when I see how few I truly touch, but the point is to not count the crowds but to go on every moment anew always purposed in bringing people Christ as plain as can be. This is why I am perplexed, knowing who I am. Could God really use me? Well I once heard a preacher say, "God once spoke through an ass and it seems like He's been doing the same ever since."