It is rare for me to actually come to a point where faith becomes mind boggling. A point where what I believe has been put into practice and brought to reality in a manner that just scares me out of my wits thinking of it. I find that truth like this has shattered my entire nominal christian life. I have been a christian most of my new-born life, but it is only when I've been a Christian that I feel at peace and filled with joy.
God uses the weak to teach the strong. The fool for Christ has beautiful feet, and breathes life into the lives of others. I get to be a part of that...and its both great joy as well as unyielding torment. I can tell now that with this positional call of an organization, that my calling came out of a higher authority, and this is a cause for trembling. I am a sinner Christ has made a saint. I am no seeker of God, but God sought me out and found me in the dark of night. Now this God asks me to spread light.
I know only this at this moment, and this is what I shall preach. Any good people see in me is because God is good and I live to show Him alive. Any act or word has an agenda behind it and a beneficiary to it. Who benefits? Only me, for I have the pleasure of taking part in showing God to another. I bring nothing new to Him, for everything belongs to the Lord. I gain in salvation then moreso in multiplication; as joy is passed down from parent to child, my joy is found in the fruit produced in those lives I have an impact on.
The pain is increased however, when I see how few I truly touch, but the point is to not count the crowds but to go on every moment anew always purposed in bringing people Christ as plain as can be. This is why I am perplexed, knowing who I am. Could God really use me? Well I once heard a preacher say, "God once spoke through an ass and it seems like He's been doing the same ever since."